While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
