I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
