I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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