I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
