Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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