i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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