It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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