Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
