Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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