he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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