She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
