Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
