We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
