How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
