I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
