i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
