Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
