i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i think my cat just said my name.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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