me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
