I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
