her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
not ubering you a puppy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
