life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
