Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
