She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
