How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
