Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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