If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
