tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
