I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
