Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
