last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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