i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
