Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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