You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
