Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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