tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
