Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
