Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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