I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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