Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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