The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
