Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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