HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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