my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
