You work out of a Hotel?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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