I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize