I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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