well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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