I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
