Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
