I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
