I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
