drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
