There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
