Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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