why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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