the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?