mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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