lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
