If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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