I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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