don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
