Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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