I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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