I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
