Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
