i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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