You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
