So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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