She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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