Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
