I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
