Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
