So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
