I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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