***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
