one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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