I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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